


How Do I Tell A Girl I Want to kiss her ?

by Controlled_by_temptation_stay_low



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Angst, Cancer, F/M, High School Flashbacks, M/M, Middle School Flashbacks, Pregnancy, Self-Harm, Suicide, break ups
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-09
Updated: 2017-02-24
Packaged: 2018-08-20 11:38:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 9
Words: 7,479
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8247377
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Controlled_by_temptation_stay_low/pseuds/Controlled_by_temptation_stay_low
Summary: 13 year old Tyler Joseph had an issue. Like how he was hopelessly in love with Kourtney Hollins that most mysterious girl in his school.27 year old Tyler Joseph, the one of two members of hit band Twenty One Pilots. He had a beautiful wife. Everything looks perfect.13 year old Kourtney Hollins' mom has cancer (breast) and her father was barely making seventeen dollars an hour. She was self-conscious, even though she was told that she was pretty everyday, but they didn't see what was on her skin.27 year old Kourtney Hollins' is already a widow, with a five year old. Rose her daughter and her go to a Twenty One Pilots  concert what's the worst that could happen ?





	1. She smiles bites her lips and turns away

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, my name is Cora I'm the proud author of this story that you should subscribe, Kudos and comment about.  
> Check out this sick Playlist I made on SoundCloud for this and my Wattpad. Also lemme know if I should post this so on Wattpad.  
> https://soundcloud.com/user-336318463/sets/for-story  
> Ando on Wattpad I'm twinsizematress2002  
> Updates whenever.
> 
> Very brief self harm.

She was stitting here across from the rolling cart that all gym teachers had, when I noticed her. I sort of remembered her from last year, she never talked to me, she would go over and talk to this girl with blue hair. This girl was a mystery to me. One that I wanted to unravel. She looked totally different from last year, her hair parted differently, her braces replaced by a retainer. It's not like those things changed her beauty. She was like a painting, her eyes changing color from a blue with some grey to brown, how she never smiled but when she did it lighted up towns, and how she had the prettiest two freckles on each side of her face. Her dimples when she was faking a smile. 

 

"Joseph," Mr.Martin called. I snapped my attention towards him. He was pointing to a spot in front of Her. I grabbed my binder off the stage and started my way towards the spot. I plopped myself down and turned to face Her. She was playing with her long sleeve hoodie. She always wore that hoodie, it smelled like her or so I guess. If that meant I was creepy that I wanted it I don't care. I like her.

By the time we were all assigned seats we only had ten minutes left of class.

"You all can talk and move around," Mr. Martin said before going over towards the other Gym teachers. I sat there criss-crossed playing with my fingers. I was barely paying attention when Jacob came to sit in between me and Her. I had no idea if he was talking to me but I still found myself turning around to face him.

"Kourtney," Jacob whined." What class do you have tomorrow ?" He said talking to Her. Kourtney that's her name if fitted her. 

She tossed her hair to the side. "I have Digital Arts," she said tucking her hair back. I jumped at the class name I have it too. I bit the bottom of my lip not trying to show to much excitement. I wanted to thank God right now but I felt like I would Jinx it. 

"What about you Hoesph ?" Jacob asked me. 

"Digital arts," I said looking over at Kourtney. She looked up at me with utter disgust and I was shocked. "You?" 

"AVID," Jacob said standing up and brushing off his signature Gym shorts. He reached out his hand towards Kourtney to help her. When she reached up and grabbed her hand I swore I could see scars beginning to form. 

The bell rang startling me from my thoughts and I stood up walking with Jacob. I looked at the taller boy wondering if I should ask him what to do but then remembered, he knows nothing about girls. Jacob Zylna was the most popular dude, probably because of his sexuality. He's tall almost 6 foot 5, and has a blonde bowl haircut.

"Does Kourtney hate me ?" I asked Jacob as we walked down towards the locker room.

"She's just mad at the world," Jacob said jumping the last two steps. 

"Why ?" I pressed further. 

"She'll tell you," Jacob said as we reached the locker room holding the door for me. I decided not to press the topic any further.

\-------------

It was Friday in September free choice Friday that's what it was called in gym. I walked out the doors towards were the others were gathering outside. I saw Kourtney talking to Josh as though nothing mattered. I walked towards my best friend hoping to her a little about what they were talking about.

"When are you moving ?" Josh asked Kourtney.

"It depends-" she said but stopped when she saw me. Josh turned around pulling me into a hug. Before turning back to Kourtney.

"I'm gonna go to the bathroom I'll meet up with you guys," Josh said before walking away towards the main doors.

I turned around to look at Kourtney but she had already started on the loop for 'walk n talk'. I quickly jogged to catch up to her. I had to try something to get this angel in my favor.

Without even thinking my mind qwerty to a bad joke I read in a book during fifth grade.

"What do you call cheese that's not your's?" I asked tripping trying to keep up with Kourtney.

"I don't know," she spoke and I swore I could listen to her everyday.

"Nacho cheese," I said laughing at how cheesy the joke was *no pun intended*. I paused for a second to listen to another laughter, and I heard it and idea a little it wasn't obnoxious but musical.

"That's awful," Kourtney commented.

"I'm Tyler Joseph by the way," I said awkwardly.

"Kourtney Hollins," she said pushing her bang back behind her ear.

Before either one of us could say anything Josh came back his blue hair popping in between us. I slid my hands down into my pockets walking slowly back towards where the group of main people were. I spotted Jenna and started walking with her and Jacob. Jenna was my EX, and my best friend.

"Ty-" Jenna said before I was cutting her off.

"Is Kourtney moving ?" I asked Jacob and Jenna. 

"Tyler she's never really talked to anyone about those kinds of things." Jenna said nonchalantly.

"But she was talking to Josh about it," I pleaded begging for something.

"I don't know Tyler Kourtney Hollins is a mystery," Jacob said looking at the brunette.


	2. From that point on she's not just another face

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kourtney's POV.
> 
> Her and her daughter Rose were going to a twenty one pilots concert. What was the worst that could happen ?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys this is present tense updates might be everyday.

I looked down at my five and a half year old. She was wearing the twenty one pilots shirt I got for her birthday. I knew nothing about these guys except Stressed Out which I don't see how Rose could be stressed about anything.

"Mommy let's goooo,"my young flower told me jumping up on my bed. I threw off the sheets and sweeped up my Rose.

"Go get your bag and then I'll be ready okay," I said smiling. I was happy. Rose was all I needed she lightened up my darkest days, it was the two of us.

I quickly got dressed in an oversized hoodie and leggings. I pulled my black hair into a messy bun. I quickly looked in the mirror for a twenty seven year old I looked good. The scars on my wrists covered up by my small tattoo.

I grabbed my duffel bag for the trip to Merriweather and the overnight stay at a hotel by there. I opened the door for my daughter who immediately pounced on me laughing.

"I'm gonna go get the tickets okay," I said, turning off the lights of my room. I walked into the hall looking around when my daughter zipped past me grabbing Cereal. Cereal was the name of her calico stuff animal it looked like road kill. I reached into the bin above the sink and grabbed our GA tickets. 

I grabbed my phone and quickly read the text from Cynthia who was going with Rose and me. 'I'm on my way' She texted. 

Almost on time Cynthia opened the door . 

"Hola ! " she called to Rose picking her up. I walked out of the kitchen grabbing my keys. I picked up Rose's bag ushering the blond girl and my red head friend out of my apartment.

We all piled into her car Rose and I in the back seat. Rose quickly sat in her seat.

"Can I listen to your Ipod mommy?" Rose asked me chewing on her crackers. I handed her my Ipod she immediately turned on twenty one pilots.

The rest of the ride I spent working on one of my drawings talking to Cynthia.

We made it there at 1 and there already was a line for all these guys. Dang. I woke Rose up and she immediately crawled onto my shoulder.

We walked towards the line Cynthia and I barely an inch apart.

"Is this the GA line ?" Cynthia asked a young girl with her mother.

"Yeah," the mother said. We immediately sat down after the girl and mother. Rose crawled up onto me already asleep?

"How old ?" The mother asked.

"Five and a half," I said.

"That's cool I love younger clique members," the daughter said turning to face us.

"You don't look that old to have a five year old," the mother said.

"I'm twenty seven," I mumbled."I'm Kourtney by the way." I would've reached my hand but at that point both Cynthia and Rose were asleep on me.

 

"I'm Candice and this is my daughter Joanie," she said."Have you ever listened to them ?" 

 

"Nope," I said. The rest of the waiting was me talking to these people the seemed very nice but I had a feeling in my gut that something was going to go wrong.

We quickly got into the venue me carrying Rose, Cynthia was awake and on Snapchat every two seconds. We got right at the stage I felt sick for some reason.

The girl next to me was talking about something I probably shouldn't have been listening but I was a rude person.

"I can't wait to see Tyler Robert Jospeh in person," the blonde next to me said.  
That name made my heart drop along with my stomach.

"Excuse me," I said to the girl next to me. "Is Tyler Joseph in this band ?" I asked.

"Yeah," the girl said turning towards me.

I snook a glance at Cynthia. It couldn't be the same guy could it ? Jospeh is a common name and Tyler. I pulled out my phone and looked up Tyler Joseph. 

Sure enough God hated me enough. Tyler.... Joseph... I never needed to see that person again just the thought of him made my stomach twist.

"Kourtney, you okay ?" Cynthia asked me.

"I need to go you watch Rose I'll meet you at the hotel," I said. I knew this choice was selfish but I felt sick. "I'll tell you why later," I said walking out of the crowd. I felt like the atmosphere was going to choke me alive.

I walked towards some Starbucks hoping for a bathroom. I was going ot get sick. I walked into it quickly finding the bathroom. I walked into the ladies room and immediately was kneeling over the bowl getting sick.

By the time I felt better and calmer from tears and sickness, it was eleven at night. Great I missed this concert for my daughter. I'm selfish.

I got a water to go and started my walk to the hotel we were staying at. My phone had one new text from Cynthia who said concert was great also badness is here in hotel Rose is freaking out. My mother instinct took control and I started running towards the hotel. Once I finally made it out of breath. I walked into the lobby and saw what I never wanted to see. Tyler fucing Joseph and Josh Dun talking to my daughter. Rose looked at me as I walked into the lobby and was so happy. I couldn't be mad right now and that's my weakness.

"Mommy look it them," my daughter said pulling me towards where Tyler and Josh were acting as though they were the two happiest people in the world. Sorry I rained on their parade.

"I'm going up to the room okay ?" I said turning to Cynthia who gave me the card.

"Can I stay with Tyjo and Jish,"Rose asked.

"Sure baby Cynthia will stay with you," I said not looking at two of them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please comment, kudos , and subscribe.  
> Any feedback positive or negative I love :).


	3. She turns back to him with those hazel eyes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oh snap. Have fun.

I walked up towards the room that the key card was for. I walked into the he room curling up in the bed. I started crying letting my body do whatever. I screamed into a pillow a mess. A happy mess.

I heard a knock and the door. I swear to God if it's Tyler fucing Joseph I'm going to kill him. I looked through the peep hole and saw those golden brown eyes.

"Kourtney," he said his voice destroying me. I opened the door unsure of if I was going to punch him or what. Tyler walked through and I couldn't help but notice how much he looks the same.

"Get out," I said trying to be calm. He sat down on the chair that each hotel had.

"You never told me you had a kid," He said ignoring me.

"You never told me you were an ashole. Oh wait." I said being sarcastic I was angry. 

"I'm sorry," Tyler said walking towards me. That's when I had enough of his bullshiz.

"It's all your fault, he would still be here! I hate you!" I shouted anger coursing through me.

"I'm sorry Kor," Tyler said using my nickname.

"No you're not," I said. "If you were so sorry as you keep saying, my husband would be here but you were selfish." I said pacing back and forth. "Tyler can you please leave right now," I said not caring how that sounded.

"I miss you Kor," Tyler said defeated and walking towards the door.

"Can you get my daughter and tell Josh I said hi ?" I asked.

"I meant what I said back then," Tyler said sadly."I need you," he said playing with his wedding ring. Of course he is married. Tyler left leaving me to a quiet way to bright room. I walked to get an Advil and clean my face. By the time I was done Rose was coming into the room with Cynthia. Rose was all excited.

"So are you gonna spill ?" Cynthia asked helping Rose get ready for bed.

"I will when she's asleep," I mumbled grabbing my phone off the desk. Of course Tyler put his phone number on top of it. I had already gotten sick four times and felt like crap. After Rose was asleep on my bed I went over to sleep with Cynthia.

"He's the Reason Ted killed himself," I said turning the opposite direction so I was facing the wall.

"Wait what ?!" Cynthia said shocked loudly.

"Keep it down," I mumbled." Tyler confused that he loves me two days after the wedding," I said tears flowing freely. 

"Oh," Cynthia said clearly as said as the topic as I was.

I recalled that night. The night before everything changes.

Ted and I were lazily making out since we weren't going to have a honeymoon until April. It was only because of classes. 

I stopped when we heard someone coming towards our apartment. I jolted away.

"Korbear," Ted said pulling me back into him. "We are married we can freely make out," Ted joked going back to kissing me.

"Is that the only reason you married me ?" I asked pulling away from his face and cocking my head.

"Well, there was this other girl I was thinking about she was in my art class, I was late though and the teacher called me out and I found her. But your the better kisser," Ted joked. I looked at the brown haired tall boy. 

"Hmm, that's interesting," I joked."You know how we were waiting to do somethings until the honeymoon ? We shouldn't," I said flirting and walking into the bedroom. Once I knew Ted was following me I pushed him against the wall. We started making out taking off Ted and mine shirts.

I woke up the next morning at noon. There were people talking outside the hall more like arguing. I grabbed my shirt and hoodie from the side of the bed and quickly shoved it on going out of the bedroom into the living room

Tyler was standing there red faced and Ted looked like he was about to punch someone. I rubbed my eyes looking at my wedding ring. I smiled to myself.

"What's going on babes ?" I asked grabbing Ted's hand.

"I don't know," Ted said smiling down at me and placing a light kiss on my head.

"Tyler ?" I asked confused by what was going on. 

 

"I need to talk to you," Tyler said not making eye contact with me but looking at the floor.

"That's cool," I sad squeezing my husband's hand.

"In private if you don't mind," Tyler mumbled continuing to look down at the carpet below him. It was like he was checking if it was still there. 

"You can say anything in front of Ted," I said awkwardly. Playing with my wedding ring. The blue piece of metal sliding around my finger. I raised my eye as though to tell him to continue.

"God," Tyler said rubbing his face. 

I looked over at Tyler giving him an expectant look. 

I woke up from my dream a sweating mess I looked over at my best friend who was fast asleep.

I got up looking at the time. Three in the morning. I couldn't go back to sleep. So I got up leaving a note but figured both of them would still be asleep by the time I got back I grabbed my old red converse and my old college hoodie. I went downstairs into the lobby.


	4. There is no point of return she's all that's on his mind.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oh snap....

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hola so this chapters angst and I'm sorry if it's bad I was rushing to be honset. Also I have a Amino for the clique thingy it's the same name so check it out if you want.  
> Sorry short chapter....

We were all standing there waiting for the bell to ring. Kourtney was in front of me once she arrived. Jenna looked up from here book and comment on how she was dressed.

I was watching her very closely trying to see if thank you was going to be response. But instead she turned around and walked away. 

I was going to follow after her but Jenna told me not to. That she wasn't worth it. Of course Jenna would say that. I didn't know it at the time but I knew she was jealous of how I looked at Kourtney. I shouldn't have been so into making Jenna happy. But I was.

I ran after her like an idiot. 

"Kourtney wait up," I said following her leaving the high school's lobby. I knew we both would get into trouble freshman have to stay on the school once arrrived.

She turned around those big broken brown eyes facing me. 

"Go away Tyler," she said wipping her eyes violently. 

"Are you okay ?" I asked full of concern.

"TYLER LEAVE ME ALONE !" She shouted before walking away. I was deafted, she didn't want me around. I had no idea why but I went back into the room in deaft. The vice principle was waiting for me.

"Jospeh come with me, now !" She barked at me. I sighed and followed after her.

\----

"EXPELLED TYLER OVER SOME GIRL ?!" My mother shouted once I was home.

"I'm sorry," I mumbled deafted as I walked up the stairs towards my room. I closed the door quietly behind me. I sobbed into my pillow even though the thought made me seem childish.

**you are childish** 

I couldn't listen to him right now. I should probably call Josh right now. I went over to my land line and started dialling his number. 

"You're Grounded Tyler," my mom said picking up the phone. I placed it down waiting for my Dad to come home and probably kill me.

**he's gonna be mad**

*shut up*

I crawled over to my desk turning on some music and started working on some homework.

There was a quiet knock on the door. 

"Can I come in Slugger ?" My dad said opening the door. He sat down on my bed playing with my basketball. 

"Are you mad at me ?" I asked my dad the question that's been on my mind this whole time.

"No son of course not its just, we are disappointed." My dad said tossing the ball back and forth in his hands. "Kourtney Hollins isn't someone we think is worth it Tyler. She's different, and well Ty we just want you to use your head okay ?" My dad said placing the ball on the ground. "Dinner is gonna be in 30 minutes," my dad said leaving my room.

\----

I was walking down the halls. I had just gotten back to school. Lucky for my parents my basketball was managed to be still perfect. Kourtney wasn't there. I had no crowd following me like I was used to. Jenna wouldn't be walking with me her class was all the way across the building but James or someone should be. I was almost to art class when I was shoved up against one the grey lockers. I looked over to see one of my teamates.

"Look it's the emo girl's boyfriend," he said "did you try to off yourself too?" He said holding my chest up towards the locker. 

"Get off me," I shouted trying to pry his arm off. 

"Why should I freak ?" He said dropping me to the ground. I barely had enough time before I was getting kicked everywhere.

"Harkness !" I heard the vice principle shout. I was coughing like a mad man and could barely tell what was going on. The next thing I knew I was in the hospital.

I looked around at the room I was in it was all white except for the chairs my parent were sitting on.

"Mom did Kourtney kill herself ?" I asked.


	5. But he doesn't know what she's been through before

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tyler can't sleep and makes bad decisions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hyena guys had fun writing this chapter I hope you guys enjoy and please comment or any ffedback.

I was pacing the room back and forth a thousand emotions running through me. Josh was sitting on the hotel bed scrolling through his phone. All of this felt wrong. The fact as soon as I saw her I wanted her. The way I thought she wouldn't be mad. How I was thinking of divorcing Jenna it just felt wrong.

I stopped my pacing in front of one of the twin beds. I flopped down on it the whole room bouncing with me. I looked up at the ceiling.

"Do you want me to talk to her ?" Josh suggested. I looked over at my red head friend.

"No," I mumbled looking around the bed for my phone. "I need fresh air," I said pulling on my Vans and grabbing the hotel key of the bureau.

"Do you want me to go with you ?" Josh asked.

"No its almost 4 you need to get some sleep," I said grabbing the door handle. 

"Be careful," Josh said. I exited turning off the lights. I was walking down the hall when I noticed her. She looked good, her tan making her dark hair look even better. Her nose complimenting her eyes. And her lips were the prettiest shade of red. Was it wrong to be looking at her like this ? I'm married. She was walking towards the lobby. She didn't even look normal she looked like she was on autopilot. I took the long way to get to the lobby. I was almost out of the doors when I noticed a bunch of fans were stitting outside. Josh must've said something in the hopes of getting my mind off Kourtney.

"Hey frens," I said faking a smile. After I was done meeting with each of the twenty fans I was thirtsy. I didn't even realize that I had walked to a bar But when I found myself opening the doors. Why the hell not ? I sat down at one of the bar stools.

"What can I get you?" The bartender said cleaning a cup.

"Whatever is known to rid one of memories," I said while he went over to get a bottle of the brown drinks. 

I was kicked out after my seventh drink and was already pretty drunk. I was walking back to the hotel when I noticed Kourtney. She was walking me way. My drunk mind must've had a little too much confidence because the next thing I know we were kissing. I broke apart from her trying to savor this minute.

"Excuse me but what ?" The woman asked and that's when I realized it wasn't Kourtney.

"Shif I'm sorry," I said stumbling away from her. 

"Are you okay ?" She asked. 

"Yeah," I said walking back to the hotel. 

Once I was in the room I fell asleep on the ground as soon as I walked in. 

 

"Tyler," Kourtney said rolling over from where she was asleep her shoulders bathed in the moonlight.

"Yeah," I said placing her hair behind her ear.

"Thanks,"

I woke up water splashed on my face. Someone must be mad at me. I opened my eyes the light hurting my head. Josh was leaning over me his once happy face replaced by anger.

"What did you do ?!" He asked me.

"Turn off the lights ," I mumbled my head hurting. I would've gotten up but I was being lazy.

"Tyler do you even remember what you did ?" Josh asked me turning off the lights.

"Hmm nope," I said. God no wonder Kourtney doesn't ike me I was and ashole .

"Yeah well you probally ruined your marriage," Josh mumbled going to the bathroom.

I got up holding onto whatever and grabbed my phone from the charger. I looked at all my notifications. They all seemed blurry and the brightness was too high. I ripped it from the charger. I unlocked my screen going to Twitter ignoring all my messages.

'GUYS TYLER CLEARLY MESSED UP OR SOMETHING LIKE WT'

'I can't belive Tyler fully cheated on Jenna,'

There were pictures and everything of the whole incident. I was looking though it all. Josh tweeted something about me seeing an old face, and he's taking good care.  
\------  
It wasn't long before Jenna and I decided to end it. She was actually chill with the whole thing understanding of how I wasn't happy. I should've been running to Kourtney yet I couldn tbring my self to. We were on tour still and it was a couple of days before our next concert. Josh and I were hanging out and talking.

"Have you drank anything since that night?" Josh asked nervously. I looked at him not wanting to give my issue away. 

"Jesus Tyler," Josh mumbled. I had disappointed him too know. Who haven't I disappointed? I got up from the cool couch.

"I just need time Josh," I mumbled going to my refrigerator to get something to eat.

\------  
We were in the middle of another 'make sure Tyler doesn't get killed' session when Josh's phone went off. He was in the bathroom. I looked over at the screen. It was from Kourtney. Of course. I looked at what she was asking Josh.

'Hey, could you watch Rose it's cool if you can't I'll get a babysitter it's just my dad needs help,' 

"Hey Josh where does Kourtney live ?" I asked.

"Um Maryland why ?" Josh asked coming out of the bathroom. 

"I'm gonna go visit her," I said confidence flooding my voice. 

"Should I go?" Josh asked full of concern 

"Nope I'll be good," I said. "How long have you guys been talking ?"

"Oh," Josh said itching his neck. "Since her marriage. I never told her about you or the band sorry."

\-----

As soon as I got to the airport I saw Kourtney and Rose. Rose was excites to see me Kourtney looked like she was about to murder someone. Josh must've told her he was coming because as I made my way towards them she looked like she was going to barf. This was going to go down great and I could tell it.


	6. Puts herself on the front lines with no reward

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tooth pate covered mouths and airplanes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hola guys,  
> 1\. Sorry I have been away I need reminds so Clique Amino guys message me at Controlled_by_temptations_stay_low  
> 2\. Should I post this on Wattpad ? Let me know in the comments.  
> 3\. Check out the song I named this story after please. It's by Modern Baseball   
> And any feedback is appreciated. Please check out my other stories thanks.

I looked up at Tyler he looked like a lost animal. I didn't even excepct him to come. I thought Josh was coming but I was desprate. Tyler rushed down happy to see me clearly. He was walking so fast ignoring a fangirl coming up to him. I had to be honest I couldn't help but laugh at this. I was suppose to be mad at him yet I couldn't find myself to be. This was going to be hard. But I had too. I had to trust him. 

I have to do this for my father.

Tyler still was walking towards us when he finally noticed the fan.

I could briefly make out their conversation. That was until Tyler raised his voice.

"She is beautiful," I could hear Tyler say. "She doesn't even know I'm here." I looked down at Rose who was hugging her stuff animal. She looked happy seeing Tyler. Tyler took a couple pictures with the girl,before he came to us.

"You don't look mad at me," Tyler said while hugging Rose.

"I shouldn't be mad at you and I'm sorry," I mumbled. Tyler didn't respond he was just looking at Rose. 

 

"She looks like you," Tyler said grabbing her hand. 

"Let's hope she doesn't turn out like me," I said leading Tyler and Rose out towards where my car was parked. Rose was telling Tyler all about her school.

She had just started 2nd grade.   
I lead them to my broken down Sudan. 

"Can you help her into her seat ?" 

"Yep," Tyler said opening the door and letting them in. 

"Thanks Tyler for everything," I said. Starting up the car. 

"Mommy can you play Mr.Joseph's music ?"

I looked over to Rose and Tyler who were both making pouty faces. I quickly turned on my radio to connect my phone. I only had it downloaded on my crappy broken Samsung so Rose could listen. I put them on shuffle. Starting my drive.

'I know what you think in the morning,'

I continued listening until the meaning of the song hit me. I focused on the road though. Did Tyler write this song about me ? No. 

I pulled into the appartment complex parking and turning off the music. I didn't even realize I was crying until Tyler said something.

"Oh yeah I'm fine," I said. Rose was at this point walking towards the elevators. 

"The first one I wrote about you," Tyler mumbled in my ear. "Actually every song has a hint of you." He said playing with his hoodie.

"Tyler," I said turning around to look at him for the first time. His eyes were bloodshot red and he smelt like bad whiskey. "Are you drunk ?" I said going into the elevator after Rose.

"I'll talk to you about it later," he said itching his face violently. "When are you leaving for your dad's ?"

"Tommorow I leave," I said. Getting out towards my apartment.

After dinner and Rose and Tyler kept hanging out . I put Rose to bed getting ready for myself to go to bed. I got out the extra sheets and placed them on the coach.

Tyler came out of the bathroom his tooth paste all over his lips. I laughed at the sight. I couldn't bring myself to say anything I just wanted to stay in this moment. Tyler looking like an idiot, and nothing mattered. It just seemed perfect like how it should be. Tyler walked over to me. 

"Do I look goofy or something ?" Tyler said stopping a few inches in front of me.

I reached down to the coffee table to get a tissue. I curled it up in your hand grabbing Tyler's cheek and stood on my tiptoes to reach towards him. He was still taller than me.

I wiped the paste of of him touching his lips accidently. I had my thumb over his lips leaving it there. We kept exchanging glances until Tyler finally closed the space between us. 

It wasn't anything magical it was just different but a good different. It was like eating sushi for the first time. You could easily get addicted to the sushi. o Olli ml And I was already addicted to Tyler Joseph. 

After a couple of minutes I pulled apart from Tyler. 

"We still haven't talked about the drinking," I said.

"Have a date with me and I will," Tyler said. 

I walked over to my bedroom. 

"No drinking Tyler," I said before I turned off the lights of the tiny apartment. I could see Tyler doing something on his phone. I quickly dashed into my bed grabbing my phone from the night stand playing some light music to help fight the demons off. 

I never really got over my fear of the dark. Maybe it's all that's happened. Maybe it's all that's going to happen.

 

I quickly made my way towards security I was already not early but close to being late. 

"Bye Rose stay safe," I said giving my daughter a hug. "I love you." I looked up at Tyler. 

"If you so much pull a hair I will kill you," I said. 

"I won't now your going ot be late," he said pulling me into a quick hug. Before turning towards the gate. 

"See you guys later," I called adjusting my scarf.

I made it onto the plane in perfect timing when a young girl probably 13 or so sat down next to me. She was wearing a twenty one pilots. I smiled to myself thinking how I was not-really-but-maybe dating Tyler. She looked over at me from her phone.

"Oh My Josh," she said freaking out. " Your her aren't you ?" 

"Who ?" I asked confused.

"Kourtney Hollins the person Tyler is dating ?" She said more like a question.

"Yeah I'm her did he say we were are something ?" I asked while the girl pulled up Instagram. She handed me her phone pointing to the picture of me asleep. I'm going to kill him. 

I clicked on the picture.

'Can't wait for my first date with my high school crush ! Kourtney Hollins. Sick.'

Something about it made butterflies appear in my stomach. I looked at the comments 'Joellins'.

"Wait is that our ship name ?" I asked handing her back her phone.

"Yep," she said. "Can I get a picture ?" She asked. I nodded. I wasn't going to hurt her feelings.

"I ship you guys," she said turning off her phone. "It's like you guys are cuter then Joshler, Jyler and Jebby combined."

"Is Joshler like the ship name for Tyler and Josh ?" I asked laughing.

"Yeah Joshler is Tyler and Josh. Jyler is Tyler and Jenna Black. And Jebby is Josh and Debby Ryan." She said.

We continued talking about nothing and I learned Tyler saved this girl who's name is Torrance's life. That was until we hit a lot of turbulence. Torrance was starting to get worried. 

 

"Hey its gonna be okay,"I said. "Listen Tyler is scared of airplanes but once we land and you look back at it it can't touch you." I said.

That was until I looked over and saw one of the wings were on fire.

"This is your captain speaking."


	7. And takes care everyone else before herself

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Guess who's back ?  
> Not really but this is short and I have no motivation for this story sorry but like I really have felt like death but like I'm trying hope you enjoy this 700 words of crap.

Rose and I were sitting at some IHOP. I loved Rose she was the greatest. She was just like Kourtney but a little bit of Ted. 

Rose got up to use the bathroom giving me a clear view of the TV. 

'Plane 151 has crashed. There are three people that have been taken into critical and one person has been killed. There will be more information in a minute.'

Plane 151 shif that was Kourtney's flight. I placed a twenty dollar bill on the table.

'They have been taken to Virginia Hospital and.' 

Virginia hospital would be a long drive.

Rose came back from the bathroom.  
3  
"Hey Rosie, how about a day trip ?" I sad faking a smile. It was a common practice for me. It just felt like when Kourtney was here there was something and when she left something left too.

"But I have school," she whined.

"Sweetie," I said grabbing her hand to walk towards Kourtney's car. "Your mom's plane crashed."

"Oh," Rose said entering the car and buckling up her seat. It was going to be awful sering this turn out

\---------_________-------_______--- 

I walked though the hospital carrying Rose. The paparazzi taking photos. I'm so done with being famous. It's like the Clique is so big that I can't hear the stories. And don't even got me started on our record label. 

 

I walked over the main counter Receptionist.

 

"How can I help you?" The brown haired woman at the counter asked.

"I'm looking for a Kourtney Hollins," I said moving Rose to my shoulder so she could sleep better. 

"It's family only sir," she said going on about how inquired Courtney was which only made my stomach drop to the ground.

She wasn't going to make it.

"This is her daughter and I'm her husband," I said lying. 

"Sir we know her husband is dead," she said shaking her head giving a nurse her files.

"Please," I begged holding onto Rose. 

"Fine sir but only until the doctor gets in," she said regretting it as soon as it left her mouth.

"Thank you so much," I said. I quickly received directions from the same lady and was headed towards Kourtney.

I walked until I found room 134 which Kourtney was in. I knocked on the door quietly. A teen wearing a Twenty One Pilots shirt opened the door.

"Mr. Joseph ?" She said wipping tears.

"Hey is Kourtney in here ?"I asked as Rose stirred and helped her down. 

"Yeah sorry it's just huge fan by the way," she said letting me into the room. 

That's when I saw her, there was red in her hair and she had blood everywhere. She was oddly pale and she looked dead. Her lips were purple.

"They said she's in a coma," the fangirl said as Rose sat down and talked to the other man sitting down. 

"I'm Danny by the way ," he said facing me. "Kourtney's father," he reached out his hand and I shook it.

"I'm Tyler Joseph Kourtney's boyfriend?" I questioned was I her boyfriend ? I mean it was one kiss.

"She called you that," the fangirl said. "My names Torrance by the way, Ms.Hollins saved my life while the plan was going down." She said.

"Oh that's good," I said. " I'm gonna call Josh, he's Kourtney and mine friend. " I said towards Mr.Hollins.

I walked out into the hallway and continued until I reached the bathrooms. I did what everyone expects me to do. It made me want to barf. I launched myself into a bathroom and started crying. 

It was too much I am weak.

**yes you are** 

Shut up blurry I mumbled to myself.

**pathetic** 

I wiped my face one more time before I went out to actually call Josh. Straight to voice mail.

"Hey it's DJ Spooky Jim leave a message and I'll taco about it with you." I laughed at his bad puns.

"Hey Jish it's Tyler... Um I don't know if you heard Kourtney was in the plane crash the one on the news. And I'll talk to you later ?" I said before hanging up.

 

I washed my face before walking out of the bathroom. I walked back to Kourtney's room when I noticed Rose and Mr.Hollins were gone. I walked down and sat next to Torrance.

"Rose fell asleep so he took her to the hotel room," Torrance said flipping her short brown hair.

"Okay," I mumbled playing with my sleeves.

I must've fallen asleep because I woke up to the sound of a heart monitor and people crowding around Kourtney. 

"Sir you have to get out now," a nurse told me.


	8. She's on his mind day and night,

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Back...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys... sorry about the long break. But I'm going to start updating better. Anyways this chapter is awful but hope you enjoy... Quick question do you guys even like this sorry and want me to continue ?
> 
> Anyways TRIGGER WARNING for suicide.  
> Comment and Kudos please

I was lying on my bed Lumiere my cat curled up next to me while my body shaked from my sobs. She was a goner from the minute she got diagnosed, yet I still could see my mom and I going on day trips to some random festival and going to the vintage shops. It all made me sick to have that kind of hope.   
\-------- later in 11th grade------

My mom and my dad were fighting again probably about life support or his work. This was rare for my Dad he was always the nice one happy and always playing his guitar. 

"DON'T SAY THAT OF COURSE KOURTNEY CARES ABOUT YOU !" I heard my dad shout from the bathroom. I looked around the hospital bathroom.  
I needed to leave there was a window and before I even knew what I was doing I jumped out.

\-----  
I woke up in some hospital. Strapped down like I was evil. I heard the distant yelling of someone before I went back to sleep. That was until I heard Jude Law and A Semester Abroad. I looked up to see Josh silently drumming along. 

I coughed before he noticed me.

"Hey," I mumbled. 

"Hey," Josh mumbled turning off the CD. I frowned lightly at him. I grabbed the CD and played with the case looking at the picture. "Are you um... okay ?"

"No what happened ?" I asked. 

"You jumped out a window Kor, why ?!" Josh shouted, startling me. What I fell ? Shit. This looks bad. Did I attempt I don't even remember..

"I-I Josh Jesus it's not what it looks like," I mumbled looking out the window to see the ugly skyline of Columbus.

"Tyler can even sleep or eat and they are sending you away !? AND you're going to lie right to me and your father is out there crying !?" Josh yelled running his hands through his hair. He was crying. "How can you be so selfish?!" Josh asked. 

"Leave," I mumbled holding onto the CD .

After talking to my dad and Doctor Stump it turns out I did need to go to a mental facility. I looked around at the barren room. 

I could faintly hear Jesse's voice.

"There just jealous because we're young and in love," I faintly heard. I had a week in this room before I was to back-up and go to Columbus mental hospital. I couldn't stop thinking about what Josh said. An I selfish ? 

It was on the fourth day when Jenna and Tyler came to see me. I was about to get sick when I noticed they were holding hands. 

"What do you want ?"I asked sassily before my dad grabbed my arm. He took off this whole week I felt awful knowing I was going to be the cause Mom's life support was going to be taken off. That made me want to cut myself opening the see if I was still human. 

"How's it going ?" Tyler awkwardly said scratching his kneck. It's as if he knew I would see the cuts. 

"Oh yeah great getting locked soon but you know whatever not like I can't get the new Brand New album so whatever, how are you two still the perfect little Christian couple ?" I asked rolling my eyes so I can play with the CD with the chess timer and playing with it flipping it back and forth. 

"Well were going to Homecoming you should come if your um-" Jenna said before was cut off by Tyler. 

"Last time I was at a school dance I had four panic attacks," I said rolling my eyes. "But you know take your little dumb depressed boyfriend becuase he can't get the basketball team." I mumbled.

"YOU know what Kourtney you are such an idiot !" Tyler said before leaving the room. Jenna quickly left probably to calm him down.

\-------

It didn't take long until I was transfered to Columbus mental hospital. I was walking through the halls my backpack only caring my Brand new CDS and a portable player. My dad let me sneak those in and of course some clothes and health stuff.

It was about a month. I cut and they caught me so I went from level 3 back to 1. My mother also died in that time but Brand New released their new album. 

I was sitting there listening to Jesse sing. Well he wasn't singing but it's the thought. 

It was free hour so we didn't have therapy or study hall. Supposedly a new person was coming. I still haven't had a roommate. Three people were walking by my hall when I noticed a brown, curly hair boy stop. 

"Is that Brand New ?!" He said walking into my room. The other two were falling him. Tyler.

"Yeah... what do you want ?" I said pausing the song. 

"Tyler dude you can have my room, I'm staying here."he joked with Tyler. That wasn't allowed.

"Wait he's my roommate?" I asked panic filling my voice. 

"Yeah." The brown hair boy said. Well then I'm going back to level 1 again I thought. "But... a cute girl with good music taste needs to listen to it at a better place, tomorrow do you want to stop by ?" He asked me pausing the music.

"Sure."

"Names Ted by the way," he said before leaving the other guys following. 

Now it was just me and Tyler alone. I immediately put on my ear buds and listened to the album again falling asleep while Tyler unpacked. I must've fallen asleep becuase I felt Tyler help me under the covers.


	9. Note

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ...

Hey so I've been in a hospital kind of like Kourtney for a while an dreamily and having a lack of motivation so I'm sorry. I made a tumblr tho and it's twinsizesadness thanks

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, my name is Cora I'm the proud author of this story that you should subscribe, Kudos and comment about.  
> Check out this sick Playlist I made on SoundCloud for this and my Wattpad. Also lemme know if I should post this so on Wattpad.  
> https://soundcloud.com/user-336318463/sets/for-story  
> And on Wattpad I'm twinsizematress2002
> 
> Also any ideas are welcomed.


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